Recently I was chatting with my mom about why teenagers think they’re too cool. It’s a common defense mechanism, and one I am all too familiar with, especially from my young adult years. Why do they act like that? What’s the antidote? As our conversation deepened, I explained that being too cool is an expression of mayiya mala, which is a term in yogic philosophy that encompasses the false or unnecessary separations that humans make between themselves and others. There are 3 malas or illusions that prevent us from showing up in our most amazing and powerful way. We each have one that’s a default way of avoiding judgement or criticism, but the other 2 may occasionally make an appearance in our lives too. 

Anava Mala

What: Victim mentality. Anava mala says, “Poor me.” It’s characterized by sadness and feelings of unworthiness.

Why: The payoff for being powerless is not having to claim responsibility for anything. For example, someone who down plays their role at work instead of empowering themselves to make a change or fix a problem. 

Antidote: Empowerment. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. Look at the obstacles you’re facing. What’s one small step you can take to boost yourself up? Becoming physically stronger through exercise is an excellent confidence builder, and not just because of changes in appearance. When you are stronger, emotional ease is more available because your muscles support your body with less effort.

Mayiya Mala

What: In a word, separation. Mayiya mala says, “I’m not like the others.” It’s characterized by jealousy and criticism.

Why: The payoff for being too cool is not having to take anyone’s criticism seriously. In other words, nothing applies to someone who is mired in mayiya mala. In a word, exceptionalism.

Antidote: Connection and remembering Theodore Roosevelt’s sage words, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Realizing that we are all the same on some level is a massive perspective shift, especially if you’ve enjoyed feeling special and different. What’s one similarity between you and the person you’re critical of? How could you reach out to someone that you’ve had jealous feelings toward?

Karma Mala

What: Inaction, procrastination. Karma mala is characterized by inertia and unwillingness to change.

Why: The payoff for never doing anything is that you can’t mess up something that you didn’t do. Nothing risked, nothing risked. For instance, if I don’t participate in planning an event, I can’t be held responsible if it doesn’t turn out well. 

Antidote: Baby steps. To overcome karma mala, ask yourself what is the easiest smallest thing you could do to start in the direction you want to go. Over time your little changes add up to major transformation! If you go to bed 5 minutes earlier, you’ll get over 30 hours of extra sleep in a year. That’s a major boost to your body’s ability to cleanse and repair itself!

Which mala do you tend toward?
What will you do to break through that illusion pattern?

Which of these behaviors do you find most annoying in others?
How can you cultivate more compassion?